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Ones of Beyond » Ones Of the Beyond » Archive » Joke of the Day

Joke of the Day

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1Yay Joke of the Day Sat Jun 25, 2011 10:45 pm

Venom

Venom
Lazy Dog

So each day I'm going to have a different joke. After ten days I'll unlock the topic for discussion and stuffs and then start a new topic with
ten other Joke of the Day's and so on d:



Last edited by Beast on Tue Jul 05, 2011 2:02 pm; edited 1 time in total

2Yay Re: Joke of the Day Sat Jul 02, 2011 1:29 pm

Venom

Venom
Lazy Dog

Day 1 Joke;


Only three doors

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"



Last edited by Beast on Tue Jul 05, 2011 2:03 pm; edited 2 times in total

3Yay Re: Joke of the Day Mon Jul 04, 2011 12:08 am

Venom

Venom
Lazy Dog

Day 2 Joke;

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”



Last edited by Beast on Tue Jul 05, 2011 1:56 pm; edited 1 time in total

4Yay Re: Joke of the Day Mon Jul 04, 2011 1:51 pm

Venom

Venom
Lazy Dog

Day 3 Joke;

Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."



Last edited by Beast on Tue Jul 05, 2011 1:56 pm; edited 1 time in total

5Yay Re: Joke of the Day Tue Jul 05, 2011 1:48 pm

Venom

Venom
Lazy Dog

Day 4 Joke;

It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. "No" says the neighbor. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?" The neighbor says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married." "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's terrible... But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?" The man shakes his head. "No,” he says. “They're all at the funeral."

Lmfao.. that's messed up

6Yay Re: Joke of the Day Wed Jul 06, 2011 11:35 am

Venom

Venom
Lazy Dog

Day 5 Joke;

Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guys says, "What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear." "I don't need to outrun the bear," the first guy says. "I just need to outrun you."

7Yay Re: Joke of the Day Thu Jul 07, 2011 10:45 am

Venom

Venom
Lazy Dog

Day 6 Joke;

This guy was watching TV as his wife was out cutting the grass during the hot summer. He finally worked up the energy to go out and ask his wife what was for supper.

Well, his missus was quite irritated about him sitting in the air conditioned house all day while she did all the work, so she scolded him. "I can't believe you're asking me about supper right now! Imagine I'm out of town, go inside and figure dinner out yourself."

So he went back in the house and fixed himself a big steak, with potatoes, garlic bread and tall glass of iced tea.

The wife finally walked in about the time he was finishing up and asked him, "You fixed something to eat? So where is mine?"

"Huh? I thought you were out of town."

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